Stages of loving you
by readingISfunXD
Summary: It's hard to be with you ... but why is it harder not to be with you?


**STAGES OF LOVING YOU**

* * *

 ** _Stage 1_ [CONFUSION]**

I hate you for getting so close to me ... all of a sudden ... you're so awkward around me

I hate you for doing things I don't understand ...will you please just tell me ... why would you do that?

How many times will you make me confused?  
How many times will you make fall for you?  
How many times will you give me hope of a love that never will?

Oh how I hate the feeling of these unknown emotions ... I can't explain how it even started.

Why are you so hard to understand?  
Why can't I figure you out?

Why did I fall in love with you?

* * *

 ** _Stage 2_ [DENIAL]**

I hate myself for admitting it ... since when did I liked you like this?

I can't understand I can't focus

I hate myself for ever having interest in you

NO!

I don't like you in that way ... maybe I do

But I can't like you in that way ... 'cause I know I will just get hurt.

Stop.

Stop, 'cause it hurts.  
Stop, 'cause it breaks me.  
Stop, 'cause I don't know if I can take it anymore.

Stop.

Just why did I fall in love with you?

* * *

 ** _Stage 3_ [ANXIETY]**

I hate how you're so serious and awkward around me ... yet you're comfortable only to me.

You would talk to me ... tell me about random things I don't remember asking about ... share something out of the blue ... make me laugh ... make me smile

But it hurts ... it hurts how I can't say it ... it hurts how I can't express it

It hurts how I can't tell you ... how it hurts seeing you with her ... with them ... with every other girl you talk to

I know I'm not the only girl you should talk to ... and I'm not the only one who'll get interested in you

You would talk to other girls ... I get that.

When you're so close to them ... I can't even look at you.

But I can't fight these feelings

I don't like these feelings ... I hate it.

Oh how I wish you knew ... how I wish it wasn't this way.  
... how I wish have the courage not to do this.  
... how I wish I could fight it.

But understand this, I am only making this distance between us ... 'cause I don't know what will happen if these feelings get deeper.

I don't know what I'll feel

I don't know what will happen to me ... to you ... to us ... as if there's an us to begin with.

Every time you do something ... I get confused.  
... I get anxious.

What does this mean?

What do you really want to say?

Why are you doing this?

Tell me

Tell me ... for I am so confused right now

Am I just a friend?  
... or am I more?

* * *

 ** _Stage 4_ [ACCEPTANCE]**

I hate that you don't say anything

I hate that you do these things that make me fall deeper ... deeper in love with you

There.

I said it.

I love you.

I have deeply fallen.  
... without you knowing I did ... without you catching me

Why are you so distant?  
... all of a sudden you're so close ... all of a sudden you care for me ... all of a sudden you're there waiting for me ... all of a sudden you're so far away

You walked away ... I was hurt.

I tried to brush it off.

I tried to forget my feelings for you.

I tried not to react ... even though inside I'm hurting.

I walked away.

I moved on.

I tried to forget you.  
... I did.  
... I did, didn't I?

I resorted to nothingness.

I stopped talking to you ... before these feeling come rushing again.

It's hard to be with you ... but why is it harder not to be with you?

* * *

 ** _Stage 5_ [MOVING ON]**

Now you've done it.  
... I will totally forget all about you.

We're back to the start ... where I would be the naive girl walking around ... not a care in the about you

I would do the same as I did with him ... my first love that never bloomed.  
... my first love to which I never got the chance to have a closure with.

Oh how I hate myself for always resorting to this.  
... but I can't bring myself to do anything else.

This is all I'm good at.

Running away.

You've made me this way.

You ran away ... I did too.

So now that I've distanced myself from you ... stop doing things that makes me confused, will you?

I may appear tough ... all laughs, not a care in the world.

But my heart is fragile ... and I too feel pain.

And now, I can say that ... it hurts.  
... it really hurts.

I know I should never have had my hopes up ... 'cause you'll never like me anyway.

I'm gonna stop now ... before I love you too much.

Back then, I'm still not sure ... but now I am sure.

I don't like you in that way

You're my friend.

That's all there is.

A friend.

 **[END]**


End file.
